How to be an Asshole by an Asshole

1. Walk into an elevator without turning around to face the door
2. Stare at someone until they look over, then quickly look away without making eye contact. Repeat.
3. When you go to shake someone's hand, don't squeeze AT ALL, let your hand stay completely limp and don't move it, keep it still so they have to move it up and down.
4. Rub yourself. Always. Just don't ever stop rubbing yourself.
5. Say you like consensual sex in the missionary position.
6. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission Impossible.
7. Do not use vowels.
8. Jump off a building head-first. Repeat.