Marky Mark and Max Payne

As many of you know, Marky Mark is perhaps the most awesome man on the planet (perhaps being the key word here, as we haven't seen the true potential of Donnie Wahlberg yet, btw you guys should check out his motto, it's "My goal is not to be a superstar, my goal is to be super at what I do."). With that in mind, he has become far more awesome - awesomer if you would - and now he will be playing Max Payne in the upcoming movie, Max Payne.

This movie is not only a great boon to Marky Mark's career, but it also lets us see Marky Mark in a different light, unfortunately in this light he will be wearing clothes. I am unused to this, my memories of Marky Mark are full of nothing being on his body but his Calvin Klein underpants and his sweat glazed over his herculean pecs.

 

Just look at that cock grab! LOOK! IT BECKONS YOU!

Anyway, Max Payne is also a man of great awesomeness, albeit with less cock grabs and more constipated faces. Constipated faces are important for the way we all live, just ask yourself where you would be if we didn't have constipated faces, perhaps we could still be in the Stone Age for it is proven that the constipated grin has inspired many great people to action. (usually actions related to bowels, but actions nonetheless)

Another fact of awesome about Max Payne is that he hates dirt. I do not lie about this fact. He hates it with a vengeance. As we can see from the picture below, he doesn't even feel sympathy for his actions against the dirt.

Look at that smoking barrel, look at those eyes that say "I want you dead, Dirt, dead" and most of all, look at the picture. Max Payne kills dirt. Literally.

We must come to accept the second coming of Mark Wahlberg and Max Payne, yet sometimes it is hard to see who is playing who in this situation. God, I love Marky Mark, and God I love Max Payne's painkiller addiction. God, I love you for mixing these two together.